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Looking Forward by Looking Back, Secular Woman’s 1st Year Anniversary

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

For more information, please contact:

Kim Rippere, Secular Woman President: 404.669.6727  E-mail

Elsa Roberts, Secular Woman Vice President: 906.281.0384 E-mail

Looking Forward by Looking Back, Secular Woman’s 1st Year Anniversary

Today marks the one-year anniversary of Secular Woman, the first and only organization composed of and focused on atheist, non-religious, and secular women. Secular Woman launched with the vision of a future in which women without supernatural beliefs have the opportunities and resources they need to participate openly and confidently as respected voices of leadership in the secular community and every aspect of American society.

Secular Woman is proud to look back on a productive first year. Our advocacy has spanned multiple topics of concern to women, from an Equal Rights Amendment Task Force and participation in the secular movement’s Heads meeting to our @AbortTheocracy campaign, an unapologetic project focused on the intersection of religious power and women’s bodily autonomy and dedicated to terminating that connection by opposing religious influence in government. We have provided funding for women to attend secular conferences and related events in the United States, working toward a secular community in which women have a strong footing and an opportunity to be heard. Secular Woman has established itself as a voice for secular and intersectional feminist activism and we are proud of our position in the secular movement.

“I am continually heartened by the reception within the community, by the strides we are making, by the progress we are achieving, and by the way we are facing our challenges,” said Secular Woman President Kim Rippere. “Secular Woman and its membership have made a difference in our community, and thanks to our growing support we have no doubt in our ability to meet the challenges ahead.”

The millennial generation is less religious––fully one in four millennials is religiously unaffiliated, reports a Pew study––and more progressive than the population as a whole, and Rippere says the secular movement is at a crucial juncture, especially in its relationship to activism and social justice. “I am cautiously optimistic that we are reaching a turning point within our community,” she says. “I hope that human rights and women’s rights will become an integral part of the community and inform the projects and developments that galvanize us; that women’s reproductive rights will stand beside science education in importance to the secular community; and that we as a movement will come to see, acknowledge, and fight to end the debilitating force that millennia of patriarchal and religious-based ideology have exacted on women.”

Secular Woman is hopeful that our positive influence, activism, and inclusive social justice stances will be a model for new secular organizations as we grow our community. We are excited for what the year will bring as we continue to focus on our mission of amplifying the voice, presence, and influence of non-religious women by working to achieve our goals for the year to advocate for women’s bodily autonomy and sovereignty, promote secular women through networking opportunities and providing connections with other women in the secular community, and increase the financial stability and ensure the longevity of Secular Woman.

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Secular Woman is an educational non-profit organization whose mission is to amplify the voice, presence, and influence of non-religious women. For more information about Secular Woman visit: www.SecularWoman.org.

Secular Woman Article

Supreme Court rules DOMA Unconstitutional

Yesterday, shortly after 10 a.m., the United States Supreme Court announced its decision that Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act, the 1996 law that prevented federal recognition of same-sex married couples, is unconstitutional. The Court also dismissed California’s Prop 8 appeal, opening the door for marriage equality to resume in California but allowing other states’ discriminatory amendments to stand.

Though it is an incomplete victory, the ruling is still a landmark moment for civil rights. “As advocates for marriage equality, social justice, and freedom from religious ideology, we welcome this Supreme Court decision,” said Secular Woman president Kim Rippere. “The attempt by politicians to legislate marriage is religious influence at the most basic level. It is pressuring citizens to conform with a passé definition of marriage based on religious traditions.”

Secular Woman, which signed amicus briefs urging the Court to overturn DOMA, applauds the downfall of the discriminatory law that denied same-sex couples thousands of rights enjoyed by heterosexual couples. 83-year-old Edie Windsor of New York, the plaintiff in the case, was forced to pay more than $360,000 in estate taxes because the federal government did not recognize her marriage to her wife, Thea Spyer––even though same-sex marriage is legal and recognized in New York.

“By seeking to injure the very class New York seeks to protect, DOMA violates basic due process and equal protection principles applicable to the Federal Government,” the Court’s decision on the case attests. “DOMA’s history of enactment and its own text demonstrate that interference with the equal dignity of same-sex marriages, conferred by the States in the exercise of their sovereign power, was more than an incidental effect of the federal statute. It was its essence.”

The Court stated that “no legitimate purpose” for DOMA “overcomes the purpose and effect to disparage and to injure those whom the State, by its marriage laws, sought to protect in personhood and dignity. By seeking to displace this protection and treating those persons as living in marriages less respected than others, the federal statute is in violation of the Fifth Amendment.”

Support for LGBTQ equality is consistent with Secular Woman’s core values embracing human-centered ethics informed by reason and science; rejecting dogma, superstition, pseudoscience, and religious authority as sources of morality and truth; and holding that all human beings are entitled to freedom from others' religious ideologies in living their lives, engaging with service providers, and interacting with government. Secular Woman explicitly affirms that each person has the right to seek happiness through consensual relationships that enhance their lives. We support full marriage equality nationwide and are thrilled to see DOMA overturned.

 

Elsa Roberts Uncategorized

Fundamentalist Survivor: Staying alive while being Queer

Secular Woman's first article in the LGBTQ week Series

by Aaron Roberts

I'm queer. I can say it now with assurance, pride even, but it took many long painful years to get to this place. I started from a place where gay was sinful, gross, wrong, immoral. Where sex was hidden, something no one talked about. Where sexuality of any kind was looked on with deep suspicion and shame. I've peeled those layers of oppression off over the years and this is my story.

My parents strongly discouraged any thoughts of romance or sex while I was growing up. They made me feel it was wrong to be attracted to anyone regardless of sex or gender. They said it was wrong to have sex before marriage and that it should not be about pleasure. They made me feel like any sexual attraction was an unforgivable sin. I was terrified of being attracted to anyone. But when I was about 15 I couldn't help myself anymore.

At night I started having visions of being intimate with girls. At first I felt guilty because I thought it was wrong. My mind took over, and my fantasies turned to me getting raped by a woman. I thought that, "well, if its against my will then it's not my fault. Then, I won't be guilty."

As I got older I started doubting religion and everything I was taught. By the time I was 18, I was self identifying as Agnostic. As my religious beliefs began to fade, I felt less and less guilty about masturbating and having erotic fantasies. It was very liberating, now I was able to enjoy myself without feeling guilty. My fantasies became more varied, and I also learned that queer people existed and wondered what two men would do together sexually. I started having fantasies involving men, and enjoyed them.

When I started having queer fantasies it was hard for me to imagine being able to have a family because I'd never seen queer families. I thought that they wouldn't be accepted by society and that I couldn't have a queer family. I remember telling my sister, "I think I would like having sex with a man, but I don't think I could fall in love with one."

During this changing period, I went on 4-H exploration days. It was a program where kids would go to Michigan State University for 4 days. There were classes that taught a wide range of subjects. One year I took sailing and a drama/acting class. The classes weren't too involved, but it was enough to teach you about a subject and get you interested in it. We also got to go on an all day adventure away from the campus.

This particular year we went to an amusement park. At the amusement park I hung out with some boys that were in my same 4-H group and we went on some water slides. I remember being aroused by their naked chests.

We were assigned dorm rooms on campus during our classes and in our rooms the boys talked about masturbating among other general conversations. Before this point in my life, I'd never had the opportunity to be with my peers; therefore, I hadn't heard people talk so openly about what I thought were private, taboo topics. These experiences were very educational for me.

When I was seventeen, my parents let me put a door on my room, but I wasn't allowed to put a lock on it. I thought I was lucky because I had the only door in the house. My sisters and my parents didn't have doors to their rooms, and there was no door to the bathroom either, as our house was in a constant state of renovation and my parents didn't believe in giving us privacy.

But, since I had a door I felt safer exploring my sexuality and masturbating to porn. I would shut my door and watch porn, listening intently for my mother walking up the stairs. Usually I was able to hear her before she got to my room, so I would close the pornography and pretend I was just surfing the web or playing a game. She would just open my door unannounced and look at my computer to see what I was doing. I know she was scanning my window tabs for porn. She would accuse me of closing a page so that she couldn't see what I was looking at. Then she would tell me to go to bed and not stay up too late.

Because of my mother's unannounced "visits" to my room I started taking pictures of the porn with my parent's digital camera because then I could take it to bed with me. I thought that would be less risky. I had the foresight to swap out the memory cards so that my parents wouldn't find them in the camera but one night I forgot.

That next morning my father came in to wake me up and tell me to feed my horse. He saw the camera and tried to turn it on, but the battery was dead. I immediately asked him to let me see it. He sensed my anxiety and asked me why. I told him I took a silly picture of myself and wanted to erase it. He took the camera downstairs to find more batteries.

I quickly got up and dressed. I ran out to feed my horse. I was hoping to convince my father to let me have the camera back. However, when I got back inside he had told my mother. I went upstairs to my room because I knew I was doomed.

My mother and my father interrogated me about masturbating and my mother went on to tell me how disgusting and repulsive the pictures were; it was clear that she was referring to the gay pictures. She was equally upset about all the porn though. She was very grossed out by any references to sex. My mother then asked me how I would feel if other people were watching my sister like that. She was trying to make me feel guilty.

My mother then quizzed me if I watched porn with my friends. She told me that she was taking my computer away and I wasn't allowed to play computer games or use the Internet. She also said that I wasn't allowed to see any friends. She went on to say that from now on they would make me go to church with them every Sunday. I begged her to not tell anyone about my porn. She got so irate that she left the room and went downstairs.

My father was calmer. After my mother left the room he told me that he had been into things that were wrong when he was younger, and that he wanted to help me to not crave these evils. I'm not sure if he was talking about my sexuality or porn in general. I didn't say much because I knew that they were wrong but I couldn't argue with them.

One of the most upsetting parts about this was they ignored the sexuality issue completely. I knew they believed that gay people didn't exist and that gay sex was just evil and that there was no attraction between two people of the same sex. Because of this mindset my parents only saw porn and sex for pleasure as evil and a sin. The fact that it was gay porn made it no worse because being gay was just as sinful.

My mother said that they were taking me to see our pastor to talk about what happened. I was very upset because I had asked her not to tell anyone. My parents took me to the church to talk with the pastor.

The pastor and my parents started out by discussing my lack of faith. I told them that the biblical story was full of holes and that I didn't need religion to be good and moral. The pastor said that some people, famous atheists, come back to the lord. He also agreed that many people leave the Christianity.

He went on to discuss porn and the sex industry. He said it was evil and that the women were forced to participate. My mother sat there agreeing with him. He said that watching sexual images was wrong. He then went on to say that pornography led to homosexuality. My parents asked if I would be willing to meet with the pastor and talk more. They made it clear that if I didn't meet with the pastor I had to move out.

I was forced to see the pastor a couple times, and during our visits we talked and he tried to pressure me into reading a book about a crazy evangelical guy. The pastor and my parents basically wanted to convert me back to Christianity, convince me of the evils of pornography and get me to become ex-gay.

After this traumatic experience I became more reserved. I knew my life was over. This person was dead. It took me years to come out and be comfortable with myself. My family used religion to try and control my sexuality and it scarred me for life.

After this experience, about a year later, I moved out and started college. I played soccer and hung out with the soccer guys. I said I was straight and tried to be straight. It was a very difficult time for me because I was trying to be someone I wasn't. The soccer team was very homophobic also, which didn't help. I also tried to have sex with girls and began dating a girl for several months. I tried to make our relationship work but I just didn't feel an attraction for her. Finally, I came out as bisexual, which made her very uncomfortable. She was afraid I would leave her for a man. I was very sad that she couldn't accept me because I knew she had other friends in the LGBT community.

After I broke up with my girlfriend I started dating a guy who was a friend of my sisters'. I felt more comfortable with him right away, and I just knew inside that this was right for me. I'd never felt that way before. It's something that you can't explain with words.

Since I had a boyfriend it was easier for me to come out because all I had to do was mention my boyfriend. Most people at my work were friends of mine and so everyone would mention my boyfriend once in awhile in conversations. It didn't take long for every new employee to find out that I was queer.

One time I was working with a guy who I knew from a conservative family. I don't think he knew for sure I was queer, so one day he was goofing off and called me a faggot. I told him never to call me that again. He immediately became embarrassed and asked me what he could call me. I told him anything but a faggot.

One time another conservative guy made a comment about a customer who he heard over the headset saying, "Sounds like he plays for the other team." It was not necessarily a negative comment; he didn't have a negative tone, but, I knew the comment itself was heteronormative and homophobic. I was taken by surprise, but I also knew this guy wouldn't understand what heteronormative meant, so I just dropped my jaw and stared at him with the expression, "what the fuck?" I think he got the message without me saying a word.

Another time at work I was telling my co-worker about the night before when I ordered pizza for my boyfriend and I. The guy delivering supplies for the store overheard our conversation. After the delivery guy left my co-worker told me that he had asked about my sexuality and commented that he didn't know people were so open. I was surprised about this reaction because I assumed that he would have seen open people before. I realized how important it is to be open because other people notice it. If they are queer themselves it will help them feel more comfortable and if they are straight they will realize that queer people exist and are comfortable.

Now I know that I am queer and I am proud to be who I am. I define myself as queer because it is a broader term than gay. I think the term queer explains that I do not fit into normative gender identity and gender expression categories as well as covering my attraction to men.

For me, queer also encompasses how I don't fit with society on many levels. For example, I used to have a speech impediment and to this day sometimes it surfaces. I don't have the same values or beliefs, as most of my peers. I do not accept our capitalist, greedy mind set that so many do. I know that the clothes I wear have no bearing on my character. I have many terms to define myself; hard worker, liberal, atheist, humanist, queer, and survivor. But, although I happen to be queer and I am proud to be who I am, it is only a fraction of my being, my identity.

Elsa Roberts Uncategorized

Introducing the LGBTQ Article Series, Recognizing Pride Month

This week Secular Woman will be featuring stories on LGBT people and their experiences with the oppressive forces of religion. Many queer and gender variant people face horrific and relentless discrimination and hatred from their faith (or former faith), and often from their family who practices a faith which rejects them. Part of our vision is a world where secular values celebrate same-sex love and people of all gender identities and expressions.

The stories this week show how far we have to come as a society and the capacity of the secular, atheist, and humanist communities to embrace LGBTQ people and stand with them in their fight for equality and justice. It is our goal to share these stories with the expectation of increasing understanding in the secular community of the challenges gender and sexual minorities face and the importance of continuing to support their struggle for acceptance and equality.

Elsa Roberts Member Articles

All This Talk of Speeches Has Gotten Me Thinking

By M. A. Melby, read her blog at Sinmantyx

During the last few weeks many of us have been talking about speeches. From Ron Lindsay's Speech at the Women in Secularism 2 Convention to the young man who tore up his approved speech and recited the Lord's Prayer counter to the rules of his school, the concept of standing up and being a representative and a leader is on our minds.

I joke that my high school administration would have changed my grade to avoid the awkward situation of allowing me to give a commencement speech. Let's just say, in high school I was a bit of a character. I certainly spoke my mind and wasn't always adequately respectful of authority. High school was not a pleasant place for me, and I wasn't always pleasant back at it. Among so many other things, such as asking the English teacher if he wanted me to start writing in crayon, complaining to the next English teacher that perhaps we should be covering dangling participles instead of going over "nouns" for the fourth year in a row, quitting Art because I didn't appreciate us being used as cheap labor, writing an essay *against* the flag-burning amendment, refusing to go to Baccalaureate because we were taken out of class to plan it, and exiting Choir in diva-like fashion because I hated the music that was being picked out for me (Bach or NOTHING! Romantic period sucks!), I had gained a bit of a reputation.

The principle had artfully avoided the possibility of me singing, "Planned Obsolescence" by 10,000 Maniacs at the talent show, so they dodged that bullet. I sincerely don't know if there would have been a little creative bookkeeping.

In retrospect, I'm glad it wasn't me. I have no idea how I would have handled the responsibility because, like a lot of people that age, I was painfully self-absorbed. The commencement was for everyone. It was no place to air my grievances. However much I would have been tempted to stick an epic, "Remember when you replaced the theater's dressing room with a weight room for the football team over the summer and threw all our stuff in a closet over there? Yeah, that one, right there, with the sewer pipe running through it!" speech, it would have been extremely inappropriate.

When you have an audience that you are there to serve and you are acting as a representative, it's not about you. It's not about what divides, but what unites.

Perhaps I don't give myself enough credit. Perhaps I could have written something that would have brought us together. We had grown up together. We meant a lot to each other when it really came down to it. Maybe I would have cobbled together something that everyone found meaningful. Maybe I would have been humble enough to listen to my classmates and think about our larger experience together instead of providing a speech only from my limited perspective.

That was a long time ago. More-and-more as I gain authority and position in my career, I find myself in situations where my primary function is to facilitate the growth and expression of others. It may be tempting to think that the person who is standing in front of the audience or the class is the center of attention, but that is far from the truth.

The first lesson is to know your audience and to find out what they need from you and how you can provide it. You need to meet them where they are at, not somewhere else entirely. Ron Lindsay's speech, for example, was akin to describing how to cross the street to a group of women and men who run marathons, and implying that they may not be putting one foot in front of the other correctly.

It is selfless work to lead. More is expected of you. It's stressful. People are less forgiving. The necessity to be diplomatic and professional can be infuriating when your filters are on maximum expletive deletion. I absolutely empathize with anyone in leadership who has put their foot squarely into their mouth. When people are depending on you and have entrusted you with responsibility though, living up to those responsibilities is the primary concern, not what's going on in your own head. I am confident that Ron Lindsay understands this.

It's easy to think of people in authority as little gods, and not real people with their own challenges. The "perfect person" for the job is fantasy. Leaders are not born, but develop in time. A good leader learns as much as they can from both success and failure. They take criticism, even if it upsets them, as information useful in making future decisions and being better at what they do.

There is a time to fight your fights; to have unpleasant discussions; to stand up for yourself; to fall flat on your face and learn from it; and even to tell someone you think they are full of *it. When acting as a representative, is not one of those times. In front of an audience who yearns for solidarity and a voice, is not one of those places.
That is the lesson that may still need to be learned.

 

M. A. Melby is a physics instructor, blogger, and sometimes poet, artist, and musician.  Her work appears in Atheist Voices of Minnesota: An anthology of personal stories as well as her blog “Sinmantyx”.

Elsa Roberts Article

Are you #ShameLESS?

Secular Woman, through our project Abort Theocracy, has launched a campaign aimed at eliminating stigma and encouraging people to talk openly, shamelessly, about their reproductive health experiences. The campaign is, appropriately, called #ShameLESS. We are sharing your stories on our sister site aborttheocracy.org.

Share your first person reproductive health story on topics like abortion, adoption, childfree decisions, miscarriage, midwifery, genital mutilation, sex ed, etc. with us today by filling out this form and let everyone know you are #ShameLESS!

Elsa Roberts Press Releases

Secular Woman to Match Up to $500 in Donations to Humanist Homeschoolers Lending Library

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

For more information, please contact:

Secular Woman to Match Up to $500 in Donations to Humanist Homeschoolers Lending Library

KellyAnne and Jennifer are two homeschooling parents who recognized a need for affordable educational materials not containing a religious agenda.  Because of the large market for religious homeschooling materials, it has become increasingly more expensive and difficult for free thinking homeschooling families to find alternatives.  The Humanist Homeschoolers Lending Library hopes to fulfil this need by pooling resources and providing secular homeschooling curricula and supplies to families in need.

Secular Woman believes that the educational needs of free thinking children are of utmost importance.  We will be aiding secular homeschooling parents in accessing quality educational materials by matching donations of our members and supporters of this project up to the amount of $500.  Upon finding the Humanist Homeschoolers Lending Library, we feel that the idea of providing these resources on loan is an effective way to not only help in education, but also with families for whom the cost of new books may be out of the budget.

The Humanist Homeschoolers Lending Library needs your help in building this valuable resource.  Funds raised will go to purchase of books, building a database, maintaining a website, postage, and other maintenance items. We ask for our members’ and supporters’ help to ensure that children in the secular movement are provided with the materials best suited to obtain a quality education.

If you would like to help please donate to the Humanist Homeschoolers Lending Library IndieGoGo Campaign.  Once your donation is completed please forward proof of your donation to Nicole at [email protected]. On the final day of the campaign, we will tally donations made by our members and supporters who have provided proof of donation to us and match these donations up to the amount of $500.

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Secular Woman is an educational non-profit organization whose mission is to amplify the voice, presence, and influence of non-religious women. For more information about Secular Woman visit: www.SecularWoman.org.

Elsa Roberts Member Articles

A Man of Faith on Secular Exclusion

by Rogelio Tavera

Member article by Rogelio Tavera, his thoughts as a religious man in the wake of the Boston tragedies and secular people’s exclusion from official mourning and commemoration ceremonies.

Greetings, my siblings in humanity!

As a man of faith, I wish to speak about the painfully obvious exclusion of secular people from the memorial service for the recent boston marathon tragedy.

I am angry that these people, who carry the tax load for religious institutions were excluded. Yet the people who arrange such events don't seem to worry that someone else is carrying our financial load and receive a slap in the face in return.

Secular people, whether they label themselves as humanist, atheist, agnostic, anti-theist, or whatever label with which they identify, carry a moral compass that leads them to do what is right without hope of reward or fear of reprisal for not doing so. They have my utmost respect because I find that concept to be inherently beautiful.

My lord jesucristo, walked the earth with a message of social justice. To exclude a huge segment of society because they do not have need for a belief system is an affront to that message of love thy neighbor.

I ask any religious person whose beliefs would lead them to exclude my secular siblings from the grieving process that we, as a society, need to participate in the following questions:

Where is your compassion?

Where is your sense of unity?

WHERE IS YOUR GOD?

If someone's religious beliefs lead them to exclude others from the events and customs in which we as a society find solace because of their lack of a belief system, then those religious beliefs or the interpretation of the person who has them are seriously lacking in love and compassion.

We share one humanity and the exclusion and even outright persecution that secular people receive at the hands of religious people is immoral.

They can no more pretend to themselves that they believe in divine entities than I can pretend to myself that I don't. Nor should any of us have to.

True religious freedom cannot exist only by freedom OF religion; it must also include freedom FROM religion. A just society will reflect this in its laws, its customs, and its acts.

Elsa Roberts Article

Our Thoughts on Secular Exclusion from the Boston Memorials

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

For more information, please contact:

Kim Rippere, Secular Woman President: 404.669.6727 E-mail

Elsa Roberts, Secular Woman Vice President: 906.281.0384 E-mail

Our Thoughts on Secular Exclusion from the Boston Memorials

Secular Woman is an organization which supports women without supernatural beliefs and works to ensure they have the opportunities and resources they need to participate openly and confidently as respected voices in every aspect of society including their government. When we come together as a society in light of tragedy it is important to ensure that people who have been affected have the resources they need to cope with the situation. Many people thrive on social support, which is partly composed of caring and motivating words from people who are seen as leaders within their community.

The percentage of those who are non-affiliated with any religion or are nonbelievers in the US is said to be as high as 20% of our population. When humanist and secular groups are excluded from services such as the interfaith service for the Boston bombings it erases them as a valid and important segment of the community and citizenry. It also denies many the grieving, mourning, and community they are craving during a time of upheaval. Excluding citizenry from a government sponsored and organized community memorial does not treat all citizens the same; it is unjust, discriminatory, and unconstitutional.

In the future when an occasion arises where coming together as a strong society is necessary, Secular Woman insists that secular community leaders also be chosen to show the passion we have to help our society heal.

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Secular Woman is an educational non-profit organization whose mission is to amplify the voice, presence, and influence of non-religious women. For more information about Secular Woman visit: www.SecularWoman.org.

Elsa Roberts Article

Monsters

Sixth article in Secular Woman’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month series

by Elsa Roberts, follow her on twitter

Rapists are monsters, evil. Child rapists are the king of that monster pack.

They never tell you that those monsters are good friends, a nice neighbor, someone with a good sense of humor, a person who will help a stranger fix a flat. Nobody tells you that.

They don’t tell you that they’re the person you fell in love with, your uncle, your brother, your father. Nobody tells you that.

These rapists, these monsters are someone else, not these people.

That child molester is someone else, not my father.

But he is my father. My father, who told me my feet smelled like roses; my father, who his nieces loved; my father, who taught me how swimming is like floating on air; my father, who bullied my brother; who shouted at my mother; my father, who raped my sister.

My father wasn’t a monster; flawed, yes, but not a monster.

But my father is that monster. Nobody tells you that.

Nobody told me, and now it’s too late.