How an Atheist Celebrates Día de los Muertos

November 2 is Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead.  It’s celebrated many places around the world in many ways, but I follow the Latin American tradition of creating an altar and decorating it with images and mementos of the departed.  Usually it’s filled with ofrendas, or offerings, things the deceased will like in order to encourage them to come back and visit for a while.

Now I’m a vocal atheist, a passionate champion for skepticism and critical thinking. I am very lucky that here, in predominately religious Kentucky, I am able to be myself and express myself without fearing repercussions from my employer or coworkers. As Halloween decorations began to go up around our department, I felt perfectly comfortable putting up a Día de los Muertos altar in my cube. And my coworkers, who know me, are completely unsurprised by the sudden appearance of skulls and dancing skeletons – after all, all year they’ve seen the political sign for Kraken/Cthulhu 2012 (Rebuilding America Together. After We Destroy It.)

What did surprise them was the personal and emotional nature of my altar. Unlike Kraken/Cthulhu, my Day of the Dead altar isn’t a joke. I’ve put up photos of those whose deaths in the past year caused me to stop and say, “Oh, that’s a shame,” because they were a part of my life in some way – by either inspiring me, or moving me, or entertaining me.  Also included is a handmade “autobiography” made by my grandmother – she illustrated it as well. For me the Day of the Dead is a way to bring them back in memory. People come by and ask about those whose photos they don’t recognize and I talk about them. For those whose photos they do recognize, they often share a memory of their own.

The Day of the Dead is a celebration of life – their lives. I remember — and for someone like me, who doesn’t believe in an afterlife, this is the best, closest thing I can offer. As I look at my altar, I’d like to share with you those that are on it. Horshack and Epstein, played by Ron Palillo and Robert Hegyes, were two of the Sweathogs from “Welcome Back, Kotter,” and among my earliest crushes. Donna Summer’s album, “I Remember Yesterday”, was my first 8-track – it’s so hard to rewind an 8-track so you can listen and dance to “I Feel Love” over and over and over. The Monkees, with Davy Jones, was one of my favorite shows and I’d record their music from the TV. Other favorites were Hogan’s Heroes and Match Game, so Richard Dawson was a familiar sight when my family started watching Family Feud together.  Michael Clarke Duncan was a man who made in impression – not for his size, but his presence – it’s like he needed to be that big just to contain all that he was. Phyllis Diller was a huge inspiration – you didn’t need to be physically pretty to be amazing – a big laugh and a big personality were just as good. Christopher Hitchens, Maurice Sendak, and Ray Bradbury – their writings were all a big part of my life at different times in my life. Junior Seau was the best example of roll model you can ask for in an athlete and he was a local hero to us growing up in Southern California.

Most importantly I’d like to share my grandmother, Harriet Magrath Kacergis. Born in 1914, she was afflicted with polio as a child and lived through the Great Depression and was never, ever a victim of circumstance. Her stories (not an autobiography because she writes, “I’m not that interesting a person, I just lived through interesting times.”) are a testament to personal responsibility and overcoming adversity – she was also a die-hard Democrat and Atheist. Some stories are typed, others handwritten, and a precious few are even hand illustrated. The Day of the Dead is a wonderful time for me to bring out her book, reread the stories, share her with others, and welcome her back, for a while, from the dead.

– Secular Woman member Heather Van De Sande

Member Spotlight: Corinne Zimmerman

Secular Woman is the kind of umbrella I need to cover many of the human rights issues I feel are important, and so it addresses my concern about not being able to help ‘everywhere’.

Born in Saskatchewan, Canada, Corinne was “technically” raised Catholic. Family on both sides followed this tradition. Out of convenience for her two working parents, Corinne went to a public school until 5th grade. The family moved soon after this and Corinne spent her remaining school years at a Catholic elementary and then a Catholic high school.

Since she didn’t have first communion classes at public school, she had to meet with the priest once a week for a few weeks to have private lessons. Corinne recalled receiving the book “Jesus and I” (which she still has), with a picture of Jesus and a child on the cover. Even at the age of 7, she found the ideas to be pretty implausible. Virgin birth? Resurrection? “Cannibalistically” eating the body of Christ every Sunday?  Even in public school, she used to stand beside her desk in the morning and recite the Lord’s Prayer. She would to mutter along, wondering “Why don’t people just stop trespassing?” She also had a hard time trying to make sense of the idea that we are all sinners and are born with sin.

Throughout the rest of elementary school and high school, she remembers suffering through Religion and Christian Ethics classes in the same way that she suffered through Phys Ed. She didn’t care for it, but it was part of the curriculum. Still, she resigned herself to the idea that it was easier to just go along with what was expected. She particularly disliked the religious “retreats” they had to go on every so often. She tuned a lot of this out — to the point that today she doesn’t have many vivid memories of them.

Although she never had to shed the “trappings of religious tradition” it was a slow path to being able to say with certainty that she was an agnostic or atheist. She suspects that she was always agnostic, but it took some time in grad school to decide definitively that she was an atheist (and even then it took a while before she could say it out loud).

Corinne only became involved in the secularist movement in the past 6 months; prior to that she was too busy with her career and getting promoted. In fact she was recently promoted to full professor, and was feeling burnt out after years of workaholism. She’d said, “For the last 20 years or so, I have these recurring periods of existential angst where my main thought is, ‘I feel like there’s something important that I should be doing with my life…’”

Some time in the past year her local Borders store closed down and was getting rid of stock. One book she picked out of a sale bin was something like, “The Idealist’s Guide to Building a Better World.” One of the key insights she gained from that book was that she couldn’t do everything. When she would think about a cause that she could get involved with, she thought about all the other ones she wouldn’t be able to be involved in and went through a period of confusion and indecision. Once she gave herself “permission” to just pick something, she felt better. Corinne then started to make a list of causes that were important to her. In general, that list focused on human rights, broadly defined. She is opposed to the obvious homophobia and transphobia that she has seen for decades, and racism in the US and Canada always bothered her. It was a much longer path for her to take feminist issues as seriously. It wasn’t until graduate school that she really thought about those issues, and didn’t even call herself a feminist until a male friend taught her that it was okay to use that word. Corinne recalled, “I never really personally experienced overt sexism. During my undergraduate and graduate education, I never once felt like I was at a disadvantage because of my gender. Ten years ago, as a new assistant professor, I was assigned to teach Educational Psychology, which always includes a unit on gender and culture. I just didn’t get it. I was falling victim to the idea that “if it doesn’t happen to me, it must not exist”. But the more I read about gender, culture, privilege, and the more I opened my eyes to what was going on around me, I began to see how my sheltered view of the world didn’t accurately represent reality”.

On June 29, Corinne’s partner sent her an email with a link to the newly formed Secular Woman (SW) organization. It came as a bit of an epiphany. She had already preordered a copy of David Niose’s “Nonbeliever Nation”. From the blurb she was a bit surprised to learn that around 1 in 5 Americans are nonbelievers. Because there are so many churches in her town, and because of the way the news is presented, she would have never guessed the number was that high. During her 13 years in the U.S., she have often found herself responding to news items with comments like, “Wait…wasn’t this country founded on the idea of separation of church and state??”

On June 30th she joined Secular Woman. Her epiphany was this: Sexism is often justified by appealing to religion. Racism has been justified by appealing to religion. Homophobia has been justified by appealing to religion. History is riddled with cases of persecution for not holding the correct religious belief.

“Secular Woman is the kind of umbrella I need to cover many of the human rights issues I feel are important, and so it addresses my concern about not being able to help ‘everywhere’”.

Corinne decided that she wanted to become involved as a volunteer at Secular Woman on the membership committee. As a university professor, her first project is to become more involved in the Secular Student Alliance (SSA), and to promote communication between SW and the SSA. On October 1st, SW announced a two-week membership drive that will allow student members of the SSA or a campus affiliate to be eligible for free membership in Secular Woman. “I will be speaking at our campus SSA meeting to promote SW as a first step to trying to increase female participation in the SSA. The goal is to present SW as an inclusive group, explaining that men are welcome”.

We are excited to have Corinne as a part of the Secular Woman team!

Bridget R. Gaudette

VP of Outreach

I am a Secular (Trans) Woman by Trinity Aodh

I am extremely proud to be able to stand up and say “I am a secular woman.”

Growing up in North Carolina, I was treated less than nicely by my peers for being an atheist. To the other elementary school students, you couldn't not believe in "God". It simply didn't work that way, it wasn't something they knew or understood. At that age it was about as different as I could have gotten, and it was tough.

That kind of treatment continued throughout all of public school, and it wasn't until I went away to university that I found relief. The school I chose to attend actually had atheists in the majority, and even the religious people who attended were far less likely to bother me, and the campus, as a whole, was a much more accepting place that I had ever been. This environment contributed in no small part to me finally making the decision to transition, and the lack of religion breathing down my neck made it much easier to accept myself after I had made that decision. I am extremely proud to be able to stand up and say “I am a secular woman.”

This statement means a lot to many of us. We're not just atheists, we're female atheists in a world dominated by male voices, and we're ready to stand up and be heard. We're fighting for diversity within a group that is already a minority, and the ways we are doing that extends beyond simply the gender gap. To me it means something very special, to stand up and be recognized not only as an atheist, but as a woman.

A friend of mine, Bridget Gaudette, recently mentioned in a blog post that she has a responsibility to be “extra visible” as a secular woman of color. I am realizing more and more not only how correct she is, but how I share a similar responsibility as a secular transgender woman.

Transgender individuals on a whole are very often misunderstood and misrepresented. Just today I've seen two or three atheist blog posts use improper terms to refer to us. Usually it's at least not the slurs, as it is starting to become more common knowledge that “tranny” and “shemale” aren't acceptable, but surprisingly few people seem to know the word is “transgender” not “transgendered.” Someone isn't “gayed” or “bisexualed,” these words are adjectives, not verbs. Similarly, they aren't nouns, and calling me “a transgender” won't put you on my good side.

I was designated male at birth, or DMAB (though you might also see coercively assigned male at birth, or CAMAB, depending on the person), but my gender is female. My preferred gender pronouns (PGPs) are she, her, and hers. One of the questions I get asked rather often is if I am “pre or post op,” and besides the fact that that question excludes the rather large group of people who are non op, it's really impolite to go around asking people about their genitals. I am about six months into hormone replacement therapy, or HRT, and am quite literally going through a second puberty. I deal with gender dysphoria almost daily, which is the discomfort caused by one's physical characteristics not aligning with one's gender.

Some terms have varying degrees of acceptance among the transcommunities (trans* being a broad term for any number of identities that might start with "trans"). Transsexual used to be the general term for people whose gender doesn't align with what they were designated, but has fallen out of common use for being too reminiscent of sexuality, as well as until recently being classified as a mental disorder. Female-to-male (FTM) and male-to-female (MTF) are still very often used, but can give the impression that a person used to be one gender, then switched.

A great majority of people reading this likely aren't transgender. This doesn't make you normal, this makes you cisgender. Further from that, gender is far more than a strict binary of male and female. You can be both, neither, somewhere in between, something different all together. You might be genderqueer, neutrois, androgyne, hard femme, butch, third gender, gender fluid, or any number of different genders.

My experience is very unique, and I'm not asking anyone to try to completely understand. What I am asking is to be respected as any woman deserves to be. If there is something you don't understand, all you have to do is (politely) ask. Remember what applies to me doesn't necessarily apply to other trans* people, or even other trans women.

I have fought hard for both my non-belief and my womanhood, and I won't let anyone deny me either. I will stand up, I will be counted, and I will not be silenced. I am Trinity Aodh, and I am a Secular Woman.

Trinity Aodh, Secular Woman Member

Why I Don’t Regret My Abortion by T. J. N.

Secular Woman opposes all attempts to criminalize or limit access to comprehensive reproductive services such as contraception and abortion. 

The following picture was posted on Secular Woman's Facebook page:

 


destigmatize abortion

 

One of the respondents to the picture stated that she was one of the "1 in 3" that had chosen to have an abortion and she didn't regret it. When asked to elaborate on her reasons, she wrote the following and gave us permission to publish it here:

It was legal, and it should remain so. It should also be more accessible. There are too many stresses on women and their families regarding abortion, a simple medical procedure that is as safe and helpful. Extremists, whose beliefs and fears should be kept more private, are far more concerned about potential life than about the actual lives and circumstances of contemporary families. THAT is MOST unethical and based in emotionalism and irrationality, not in rational concern for humanity and the family, be it nuclear or other.

It was the most ethical choice. The foster care system was and is overburdened and there were already far too many children who needed loving homes stranded in the system. Considering all of the problems with overpopulation and the environment; overburdened health care, foster care and social service systems; and diminishing opportunities for women, who were then making less than 60 cents to every dollar a man made, how could it not have been the most ethical choice for a single woman with no college degree, an unsupportive boyfriend and an estranged family? I'd have more time, energy, and resources – both economic and emotional – to devote to the care of my only child who was born later, when I was ready to be a mom. I'd have a child who was a WANTED child.

I did not have to bring a child into the world whose father was not ready or willing to be a good father, much less a good boyfriend or husband. He did not want anything to do with the child that would have resulted if my pregnancy was carried to term, which I considered doing. I was not compelled to marry an incompatible and emotionally unhealthy partner who wanted absolutely nothing to do with my pregnancy, much less prenatal care. 

The government and/or adoptive parents did not get another mouth to feed due to my extremely low income and inability to care for an unplanned family. The government and I did not have to contend with bringing up a child that would have been born unhealthy or deformed due to a variety of predisposing factors, both hereditary and environmental, such as being on the pill when the pregnancy occurred, being a smoker, etc. 

The potential for abuse – greatly increased when non-natural parents are involved in a child’s care and upbringing – was eliminated.  The short-term pain of having an abortion would never match the long-term suffering of  spending a lifetime wondering whether or not the child I had brought into the world would be wanted and well-cared for by the adoptive parents, with whom I would never interact, and who are at higher risk for abusing than are natural parents. Research on the emotional well-being of adoptive children (at the time that I needed an abortion) strongly indicated that adoptive children suffered a great deal more severe psychiatric problems than did those who live with their natural parents. The child was spared not knowing anything about its hereditary health risks, true family history. The child did not have to wonder how much it pained me to let him or her go, and whether or not he or she was in fact a wanted child from the start.

It was MY body and MY choice and MY struggle.

Elsa’s SMART ride

Changing the culture is key.

I’ve been an atheist since my teen years and my non-belief forced me to truly evaluate and create my own sense of morality and values to live by. One of the values most important to me is the right of all people to engage in sexual expression in a healthy way, free from the shame religious belief has brought. Judeo-christian attitudes about sex and sexuality have worked to create a culture where women and men are shamed by their bodies and their desires, especially if they identify as LGBT. These toxic values pervade our culture and have resulted in misinformation in the classroom (abstinence only sex education) and hateful legislation (DOMA).

While these things may not seem to be directly related to HIV/AIDs I believe they are. People who are HIV positive feel shame and experience stigma in large part because they have a disease that is commonly communicated via sexual activity. And, we continue to have new cases of HIV/AIDs because, even when people have access to condoms, they don’t always use them due to the cultural shaming (and misinformation) around sex they have experienced their whole lives.

I believe the way to change this is to have more information- not less, to have more services, and more dialog on HIV/AIDs. Changing the culture is key, and one of the most effective ways to do that is through education (and treatment and support programs for those living with HIV/AIDs).

That’s why I’m riding in the SMART ride this year. The SMART ride is a 165 mile ride for HIV/AIDs in South Florida and they give 100% of all their donations to Floridian charities that do prevention and services work around HIV/AIDs. Florida, in particular, is in need of these services as we are one of the states with largest population infected with HIV/AIDs.

As a rider, my goal is to raise at least $1,250. I can’t do it without my friends, my family, and all of you in the secular community. So often religious people believe that if you don’t believe in god then you don’t have morals anymore. Together we can show them how wrong they are. Donate to rider 508 to help eliminate HIV/AIDs and show the world that secular women and men care!

Elsa Roberts- Vice Chair of Outreach, Secular Woman

Why I Joined Secular Woman: Rogelio Enrique Santiago Tavera Garcia

Greetings to everyone.

I wanted to write a little introduction and explain why I support Secular Woman.

I am a religious man, and I know that would beg the question as to why a religious man would join and support an organization whose purpose is to secure the rights of secular women.

I penned several articles all in which I poured my heart out and then scrapped them afterwards.

First I explained how supporting Secular Woman fits in with my own religious beliefs.

Then I wrote another article about how this teaching or that teaching supports our mission here in Secular Woman.

And so on and so on.

But each time, upon reading what I had written, I saw that my articles were about me and my beliefs. But none of this is about me or my beliefs, but rather about my secular sisters.

Secular people have been persecuted by religious people for centuries.

If I were to jump in discussing my religious beliefs unsolicited in a secular forum, I would be invading a special much needed place with things that are forced down the throats of secular people on a regular basis.

Misogyny runs rampant and women don't need me to "mansplain" to them. What they need is for me to support and join on the mission for true equality.

Regardless of gender or religious beliefs or lack thereof, we share one humanity.

Without the voice of my secular sisters, the voice of that humanity is incomplete.

In the end, just as an atheist will stand up for what she or he believes in, not for hope of reward, or fear of retribution, but because it is the right thing to do, so too do I support Secular Woman for that simple reason.

It is the right thing to do.

For me, it is simply a matter of social justice.

Science bless you all!

Rogelio Enrique Santiago Tavera Garcia, Secular Woman Ally